Hitman-Hitman
by Haon Keis
Summary: — Open the door...but let it linger...Let the churn linger, pretty thing... #REBOOT INITIATED: STANDBY...DIRECTIVE: FIND STORMGUA...BUFFERING...NEW DIRECTIVE: LET ME OUT...
1. Contract-Contract

**Hitman-Hitman**

* * *

 **Chapter 1: Contract-Contract**

"This the place?" Ringo asked with a slurred voice.

The driver in the front seat nodded without saying anything.

Ringo took a swig from his gourd as he drunkenly stumbled out of the pitch black vehicle. He took in his nighttime surroundings and spotted the lonely shack off the side of the dirt road. Trees, trees, an owl, and more trees were about the only thing Ringo could make out with the lone flickering light that hung from the roof of the shack. The black van sped away quickly as Ringo shut the door. Dirt crunched beneath his bare feet as he made his way to his destination.

"Well this place is depressing," the gunman said gripping the doorknob to enter.

With a chilling creak, the door opened. A lone room was revealed with a rectangular table in its center. Three chairs were lined around it. This lead Ringo to assume that there were more people coming. He shut the door behind him. Then he took a seat in the leftmost chair from the entrance and kicked his feet up on the table. As he rested his legs, something wobbled on the table. He just noticed that there was a strange box with sides shaped like trapezoids and the top, a hexagon.

Ringo pulled his chair closer and fiddled with it. Picking it up, he realizes that it is far heavier than he expected. He tapped it, rapped it, slapped it, but as far as he knew it seemed pretty useless. He set it aside then to took a particularly long draught of his brew. The wait was already getting to him and he could definitely tell.

Ringo could tell just by the condition of the shack whatever he was about to do would be very arduous and might even get him hurt. He took note of the dingy, rotting wooden floors and the chipped paint on the walls. There was even graffiti on the wall opposite of him. It stylishly displayed the words: 'All Roads Lead to the Vain.'

Ringo slouched in his chair, bored, and began to eye every other detail in the room. In about another minute, though, the sharpshooter was asleep. To him it felt like a second, but fifteen minutes actually passed when the creaky door sounded again. Ringo woke with a jump. He looked at the entrance as one of Ringo's worst foes entered the small space: Glaive the Grangor.

The enemies would have locked eyes, but Glaive's blindfold prevented this. They just stood and sat silently for a second. Their silence was quickly interrupted by three shots fired by Ringo. Glaive could barely lift his axe to block the blazing quick attacks in time due to the restricting space. They bounced off his axe with three metallic pings. Glaive took two long strides and swung his axe overhead Unluckily for the Grangor, his axe was caught by the roof instead of Ringo's flesh. Once Ringo realized that he wasn't dead, he rolled onto the floor and fired another two shots.

Glaive anticipated this so he was already in the process of dodging. One bullet missed completely, but the other grazed his whiskers shaving them down a few inches. Genuinely annoyed now, Glaive ripped his axe down making a sizable hole in the roof. As wooden debris fell to his feet, he activated his rocket axe's afterburner and was launched towards Ringo who had already backed up to the wall.

With a burly Grangor a split second from cleaving him in two, Ringo could only do one thing: take a gamble. Because he was already seeing double, Ringo couldn't particularly make out a great deal of detail, but he could see Glaive's shiny axe. He shot without too much thought and with some drunken luck, he hit the edge of Glaive's axe which threw the direct afterburn askew making Glaive miss.

Glaive was dazed after his collision with the wall and wasn't surprised to see Ringo's shiny revolver pointed directly between his eyes.

"You're losing your touch, Glaive-y," Ringo taunted.

Glaive simply scoffed.

"This is payback, ya' overgrown house cat." Ringo pulled the trigger. To his dismay, he had already used his six shots he had loaded into his gun. Glaive shook his head at his own luck.

Ringo swore. "You've gotta be jok-" his words were then cut short by Glaive who sent him flying with his fist to the other side of the room. Ringo didn't even bother moving from the corner he landed in. He just propped his upper body on the wall.

"Stupid, drunken human," Glaive said pulling himself out of the wall. He sat down on the single chair that remained in tact. "You're not even worth killing."

Before anything else could be said, another head popped through the door. A huge hand gripped the top of the door frame as the stranger peered inside. He looked at the man drinking in the corner then his eyes drifted to the Grangor, then the two holes in the wall and ceiling.

"Another wall of meat?! This day is just getting better and better," Ringo exclaimed noticing that this third guest was a huge river troll who could barely make it through the doorway.

"Hm," his voice was rich, accented and deep,"I think I stumbled into the wrong little shack. I'll be on my way, then."

"Wait a minute," Ringo commanded beginning to stand up. "When I got here, there were three chairs around this, here, table. That can only mean three people were meant to come here. Now, there's enough bodies…"

"Well, then. What are you blokes doin' here?" the second 'wall of meat' asked.

"I came here because someone needed my axe. I didn't come for free, though." Glaive said cracking his neck.

"What? You're getting paid?" Ringo complained

"A mercenary never works for free, fool."

Their chat was cut short by a warped "Hello" hear from in the middle of the room. The final guest entered the shack to examine the sound further. A second more agitated "Hello" was heard. The river troll cleared a few planks of shattered wood to find the mysterious box from earlier. He pinched it with his thumb and index finger and eyed it pathetically. Without warning, it scanned the entire room and relayed its findings: "Three subjects detected. Hello Glaive. Hello Phineas. Hello Ringo."

"So that's what that thing is," the drunk surmised.

"Oi," Phinn greeted.

The voice changed from its robotic voice pattern to a more natural one, but the voice was still warped, "Finally. Have all three of you made it to the rendezvous point in one piece?"

"Almost two," Ringo said slyly looking at Glaive. "But yeah, we're all here."

A small projection popped up showing a relief map of the area. On its edge was the Halcyon Fold with the lone town beside it to the north, and then the enormous mountain beside it to the east. "Alright. Let's get straight to it. I've assembled you three to deal with one target specifically, but one that may require the removal of several sub-targets. This target's name is unknown, and is not human, but machine. More specifically, it's the Stormguard's literal killing machine."

Ringo held his gourd as he was about to take a sip of his brew, "This thing must be pretty tough if ya' need three guys to take it on."

"You are correct. This machine is capable of taking a large amount of punishment. I've even sent whole groups to find and apprehend the machine, but that plan only ended in tragedy. So my team and I have decided to compensate you if you were to take this monster down."

Glaive stood and approached the talking box, "So, how much should we expect for the removal of this 'killing machine?'"

"Five million gold pieces each," the voice said with no hesitation.

Ringo spit his alcohol into the air and got even closer to the black box, "Wait a minute. Can you repeat that? Did you just say five million gold pieces? Each?!"

"Yes, Ringo. Five million gold pieces for each of you. A total of fifteen million gold pieces."

Ringo's eyes widened, "The booze I could buy with that much cash…"

"Let'em continue, will ya'?" Phinn said angrily wiping a few drops of spit off his scales.

"Anyway," the voice continued as a dot appears on the holographic map a few inches below the Halcyon Fold. This unfortunate town's cantina was where the machine was last spotted. As you could probably guess, we have little data of machine because of its efficiency, but we do know two things. First, it wields a blade and second it has a self destruction capability. For future reference, if you see the torso of the machine begin to pulse with electrical energy, it is imperative that you leave the area."

"Heh. Glad you told us that," Ringo said nervously.

"And one final thing to add: Our conversation and this meeting never happened."

"Wait. Before you self destruct," Ringo joked. "What should we call you?"

"Nothing. Do not speak a breath of my existence."

"Alright, Nothing, we won't mention you to anyone else."

"...You can't be serious… Anyway, keep this transmitter on you at all times. You can use it as a map and a way of contacting me, but only do so in emergencies. Are we clear?"

Different accounts of confirmation could be heard from the three Hitmen.

"Crystal," Phinn droned.

"Righty-o," Ringo slurred.

"Understood," Glaive snarled.

The map disappeared and the black box went silent.

"Well...What now?" Ringo asked.

"Well, we're going to find this thing, tear it to shreds, then collect our reward." Phinn stated.

"Looks like we gotta do a bit of a adventuring together, eh?" Ringo said far too enthusiastically.

"Absolutely not," Glaive protested."It's bad enough that I have to work alongside you, so to preserve my sanity I'll be spending as little time with you as possible."

"Well, that was hurtful." Ringo said flicking the cylinder of his gun open with his single hand. He somehow reloaded the gun in record time without even moving his fingers. With a click, he moved the cylinder back in place.

"Our current position is just a few miles from this cantina Nothin' spoke about, so we may as well stick together for the moment. I have an idea, though," Phinn added.

Glaive scoffed, "Whatever."

Ringo chimed in, "What is this idea of yours?"

"Grangors and humans are more common than river trolls, so it's up to you two to ask around town about this machine. In the meantime. I'll be scoutin' around the area looking for any suspicious findings. If all goes well, we should have a direction to head in next."

"So are we walking ten miles in the dead of night? Or are we waiting on a ride? I'm used to walking, but by the time you two get there you'll be exhausted and not up for a fight," Glaive said.

"It seems like we'll have to walk. I'll get over it, so let's get a move on."

Phinn exited first, then Glaive, and finally Ringo who shut the door behind him. With a rumble, what remained of the shack came crashing down fairly dramatically. Phinn looked back at Ringo and simply rolled his eyes while Glaive tried to look as nonchalant as possible. The three left behind the now destroyed shack and came to find a surprise lying at their splintered doorstep. At first, they couldn't see it because of the low light, but as they approached, an unusually large and expensive looking convertible came into view.

"They gave us a car? Heh. I'm glad. I didn't feel like getting sores on my feet," Ringo said loudly.

"I'll drive," Phinn said confidently.

Ringo looked oddly at the troll while Glaive scoffed.

"What?" he asked. "I know how to ride horse and carriage. How hard can this be? Plus you're very clearly drunk, so I'm not lettin' you drive."

Ringo ignored the last comment as he couldn't imagine any number of horses pulling this huge river troll anywhere.

Phinn climbed in with a bit of difficulty and gripped the steering wheel in the center of the hovering vehicle. He eyed the strange mechanisms by his feet. Next, Ringo hopped in without struggling like Phinn. Glaive, however, stood stone still.

One particular feature of the car made Glaive somewhat uncomfortable. It hovered. He could senses that there was nothing holding the metallic vehicle up. Because he's blind, Glaive takes comfort in being able to feel the ground. It's his irrational fear to not be connected to the ground in some way.

"Aren't you comin'?" Phinn asked

"That thing hovers," Glaive pointed out.

Ringo looked over the side and squinted in the low light. To his delight there really were no wheels, or anything holding the vehicle up.

"Okay…?" Phinn said missing the point Glaive was trying to make until Ringo smiled deviously.

"D'aww! Is the wittle kitty-cat afraid of heights?" Ringo said childishly.

"Tch. I am a feral warrior! I wouldn't disgrace my ancestors by sharing that vehicle with the likes of you!" Glaive said dodging the question.

"Fine," Phinn said losing a portion of the great amount of patience he possessed. "Then you walk."

"I'd rather!" Glaive said bearing his teeth while turning away and beginning to walk.

Already figuring out the controls of the bizarre vehicle, Phinn and Ringo slowly accelerated away silently and continued to do so long after Glaive had disappeared from view.

For a while during their travel, the forest still sandwiched them and the road, but every mile or so, a clearing would reveal the shiny brilliance of the moon's reflection in the enormous lake nearby. The somewhat repetitive scenery did little to entertain the river troll who already found the task of driving exceedingly boring, so unnaturally, he began to strike up conversation with the small, drinking human to his right.

"I don't think I caught your name," Phinn implied without breaking his focus on the dirt road.

"Name's Ringo. And the angry kitty is Glaive. You?"

"Phinneas," was his response.

"Interesting," Ringo said stretching out the word excitedly. "You know what they say about people with that name, right?"

"What's that?" Phinn said hardly intrigued.

"No clue, but I'm sure they say something."

Phinn sighed then shook his head.

Ringo took another sip from his seemingly bottomless gourd and belched a red flame. He looked casually to his right and was startled as there was the tiniest fox he had ever seen gripping tightly to the arm rest. Ringo's flight response made him run right into Phinn causing the vehicle to slalom foolishly before he could regain control.

"Seriously?" Phinn said in disbelief that he almost lost his life to the person who wasn't even driving.

"Look, there!" he said pointing at the menacing baby fox that couldn't be any longer than a foot and a half.

"A little fox scared you…?"

"Hey, when this stuff is in you, you can swear everything is four times bigger. How do you think I felt when I saw-"

"Another word and I'll toss you off this thing."

"Hehe. Right."

Ringo slid back over to his side of the vehicle and picked up the miniature fox and held it in his hand. Forgetting that he can't drink and inspect at the same time, Ringo put the fox on his lap and grabbed his gourd. With a yawn, the fox opened its eyes and looked at Ringo with a mischievous look there. It was almost dog-like the way it stuck out its tongue and scratched its fur. Feeling bad for the lone fox, Ringo decided to name it.

"Didn't you throw that thing out the car yet?" Phinn said glowering at his annoying teammate.

"What the hell? No! Look at him. He's adorable,"

"And I'm a technologist."

"Har, Har. I'm keeping him. His name'll be...Mr. Tongue."

Phinn didn't even bother commenting.

At last, their trip came to a close moments later as they arrived at the cantina. As expected, there wasn't much to the place, the town began where the trees stopped. There was no real greeting party or even a sign to tell you the name of the place. Phinn parked a ways from the building nearest to them to remain inconspicuous and reiterated the plan. Ringo, and Glaive if he were present, is tasked with gathering information in town starting with the infamous cantina. In the meantime, Phinn's job is to skirt the premises and look for clues behind and around buildings as to where the machine went or any information about it.

"Got it," Ringo confirmed hopping out the car. He had to leave his new friend in the car because it had fell back asleep.

Ringo waltzed into town as casually as a drunken sharpshooter in search of an explosion-happy robot could look. He looked this way and that for a full minute as he walked, but didn't spot one person. Feeling himself sobering up rather rapidly and working up quite the appetite, he thought it high (noon) time to find that cantina. Funnily enough, the hungry shogun nearly walked past the place in search of it.

The old swinging doors tilted back and forth unevenly and creaked less severely each time. The cantina was way more empty than one should be in Ringo's opinion. First thing that caught his eye was the lack of anything to catch his eye. The room was nearly pitch black and the only light that was present, poured through the entrance from the now rising sun.

In his element, Ringo took a confident step, then immediately regretted it as a tiny shard of glass pricked his foot. Surprised and angry at the pain, Ringo slammed down into a nearby chair that he could barely see and crossed his leg over his other to remove the shard. He gingerly felt around the area to remove any more shards, but none were found. With a groan he stood up and took care to look before he stepped especially now with his eyes adjusted to the low light.

He inspected most of the cantina and everything seemed to be in order. Other than a few shards of glass, most likely from a broken bottle or glass mug, Ringo couldn't find anything out of the ordinary. No skeletons, dried blood, or rotting corpses. That was a good sign...until he walked behind the bar to jack some booze and saw two red dots pierce through the darkness. With a hard crack, Ringo shoots directly between them without thinking about it. He hears a metal ping and a robotic voice rings forward, "ONE."

Whirring and beeping sounds come in high pitched waves as if a computer were starting up. Ringo took a few precautionary steps backwards. He had pissed something off and he had a decent guess as to what.

Ringo turned and sprinted for the spinning doors. He was expecting to be pursued, but he was not followed. Instead, the thing in the darkness took its time walking up to the swinging door that were still creaking back and forth from Ringo's barging through them. It halted in the doorway and the doors ceased swinging as they collided with its ghost-like white features and awkward stance. It was very clearly a robot, but it had womanly features on its chest and a feminine voice although streamline like a machine. Ringo hardly noticed this as he stared at the deathly quiet eyes of the machine. They held no mercy. They held no restraint.

"SCANNING. TARGET UNSPECIFIED. CIVILIAN. EXTERMINATE."

"Hey, uh, Phinn if you could get over here that'd be pretty nice!" Ringo shouted frantically backing up in no particular direction.

Nothing was heard in reply, so he twirled his gun until it was set ablaze and continued firing until his six shots ran out.

"TWO-THREE-FOUR-FIVE-SIX," the machine called taking several sprinting steps forward. Clearly bullets had little effect on this strange machine, so Ringo settled for the next best thing which had to do with running and hiding. Before he could even get off the ground to turn and burn in the other direction, the robot marked him with a red laser and rocketed after him with great velocity. Upon reaching him it landed behind him and spun its wicked blade with deadly intent.

Ringo who was in the process of standing up, fell right back down to avoid the metal cleaving through the air. Ringo reloaded as quickly as he did before and fired a shot at the body of the spinning robot. It did as little as before, so he rolled backwards and shot at its joints and feet which caused it to waver slightly in its next few steps towards him as it counted, "SEVEN-EIGHT-NINE."

Ringo's crippling technique wouldn't affect much because the machine used its thrusters once more to get in close. In a terrifying display of speed, it cut Ringo's six shooter in two and knocked the one half out of his hands Ringo, who was even more vulnerable than before sat on the ground propped up on his lone arm waiting for the blade to curve down into his skin, but it wouldn't happen as the action of an annoyed beast would save his life.

From the darkness of an alley, Phinn's anchor hurled its it way through the air and took a hold of the machine's torso. The machine instantly resisted, so it took quite a bit of effort for Phinn to pull it away from Ringo and into his scaly fist. The robot took the blow full force and fell to the ground dropping its weapon.

"TEN-E-ELEVEN," it stuttered through the crippling punch.

It could barely react in time as Phinn stomped down with one foot trying to crush its head, but it would scramble effectively and get away from Phinn by leaping to the top of one of the wooden buildings, but not before retrieving its sword.

The troll rendezvoused with the startled human who was now weaponless. And the both eyed the strangest thing. It was running away. On the rooftops it sprinted awkwardly as it jumped down and began to head down the path they came from.

"Oh no you don't," Ringo said filling his mouth to the brim with burning liquor.

Ringo opened his mouth and red hot flame akin to the breath of a dragon began to follow the fleeing robot. It drew dangerously close would detonate the second it collided with its components, but the machine had another trick.

"DANGER IMMINENT. DEFENSIVE PROTOCOL INITIATED."

A clear-whitish bubble appeared around the robot and defended it causing no damage.

"What?!" Ringo shouted in utter disbelief, "And that was the last of that my Hellfire Brew too!"

Ringo gripped one half of his gun. He couldn't find the other half, so he just stared at it sadly.

"Unlucky, mate," Phinn commented. "We'll get it next time."

"Wait….WHAT ABOUT GLAIVE?!"

Phinn sighed, "Get in the car. We have to find that idiot before he tries to fight that thing himself…."


	2. Welcome-Welcome

**Hitman-Hitman**

* * *

 **Chapter 2: Welcome-Welcome**

Phinn sped like a demon after the white robot. He was gaining on it, but even at full throttle, the speedometer only ready a paltry forty miles per hour.

"Can't this thing go any faster?" Ringo asked impatiently. Ringo wasn't particularly a fan of fast vehicles because they made him dizzy, but there was five million gold pieces worth of booze running away from him and he couldn't take it.

"Mate, I've been pedal to the metal for a good two minutes now. Ride ain't gettin' any faster," Phinn said.

Ringo looked at the dashboard to find a remedy. There was a little black button there glistening innocently. Of course he pushed it and a part of the dash slid open to reveal another three buttons. A blue button, a green button, and an extremely tempting red button.

Phinn noticed the three buttons in the corner of his eye and without even looking at them or Ringo he said, "Don't even think about it."

"Oh, come on! This is going to take forever!"

Mr. Tongue, who was in the center of Phinn and Ringo woke again. Without much thought, it climbed into Ringo's lap curled up into a ball and just sat there enjoying the breeze.

"Oh hey, buddy," Ringo said scratching behind one of the foxes ears.

It closed its eyes and pushed its head into Ringo's hand as he looked to the road ahead. Another five minutes passed, so Ringo opened the glove compartment and and found the driver's manual for the hover car which he continued reading for a good while, so he could find the meanings for all the buttons.

Out of nowhere, the robot that the hitmen were tracking, took a hard right into the forest beside them.

"Must've been sick of us tailing'em," Phinn said slowing down to a relative cruise and eventually stopping where he had lost track of his target.

"What do we do now?" Ringo asked still petting Mr. Tongue.

Phinn sighed, "Well, I suppose we should tell Nothing about our findings."

"And Glaive?"

"If he doesn't catch up while we speak to Nothin', then we'll head out and find him."

Phinn grabbed the black box off of the dashboard and stopped for a moment once he realized that he didn't really know how to use it. Phinn grimaced for a moment then looked over to Ringo, "Any ideas?"

Ringo shrugged. Not knowing what else to do, Phinn just began to talk into the black box, "Oi, Nothing, we've got to talk to you, mate."

No response was heard.

"It was worth a try," Phinn commented.

"Lemme see," Ringo said with an outreached hand.

Phinn dropped the unresponsive box into Ringo's hand. Looking on the bottom of it, he found a flat switch with tiny raised bumps for grip. He rested it in his lap then he flicked it over. Sure enough, when he flipped the black box rightside-up the familiar holographic map had shown up above their heads. At the bottom left of the hologram display were the words: 'Say: Contact.'

Ringo followed instructions to the letter and the black box spoke in a robotic voice, "Contacting user. Link established."

"Oh," Phinn said before grabbing the black box from Ringo, "Oi, Nothing, we have good and bad news to report."

Not even bothering to say hello, Nothing spoke,"Give me the bad news first."

"Ringo and I ran into the robot while we were in town, but it ran when it realized that it was outnumbered. Unfortunately, it destroyed Ringo's gun as well."

"It ran? I've sent seven groups to hunt that thing down and all seven were eradicated. Why would it run from two people alone?

"No clue," Phinn responded.

"What's the good news?"

"We're alive...And have a general idea of the location of the robot. It looked like it headed North from here, towards the Halcyon Fold."

"What about the other one? Glaive. Was he there as well?"

"We left him to walk because he was too scared to ride in the car. I'm guessing that he is still walking because we haven't run into him yet."

Nothing sighed, "Just find Glaive for now. We're in good shape so long as you have a general idea as to where it went."

"Alright we'll be in touch."

"Be cautious," Nothing reminded before the hologram faded.

Just as it did a large, burly cat could be seen in the distance. Phinn cruised until he reached the Grangor trodding annoyedly on the path.

Of course Ringo had to taunt his adversary the moment he saw him, "Where ya' been, Glaive? You missed all the action!"

"Oh did I?" Glaive said already feeling himself getting irritated at the drunken gunman.

"Yep," Phinn responded, "We could have used you out there. We had that thing on the run with just the two of us."

Glaive just scoffed, "I don't believe that for a minute, troll, especially with that idiot beside you."

"Either way, mate, that could have been the easiest five million gold pieces you'd have ever made. Now we have to find that thing because it headed into the brush where we couldn't chase it."

Glaive turned his head towards the forest the two claimed the machine had gone through. He sniffed twice and his ears wiggled. He groaned with both intrigue and distaste.

"That place wreaks of Churn," he said adjusting the grip in the weapon he had hauled over his back.

"The Churn you say? Why would the machine put itself in such a dangerous place then?" Phinn inquired.

"I assume that it'd be able to withstand some of the negative effects of the Churn, better than Grangors, trolls, or humans anyway."

"Well we have to go after that thing, but avoiding the Churn would be priority number one. Another concern is Ringo's gun. It was chopped in half, so we've gotta get him a new piece before we can even think of attacking that thing again."

"Honestly, my bullets weren't doing a whole lot in terms of crippling damage, unfortunately, so I'm not exactly sure how effective I'd be with or without a gun," Ringo said putting Mr. Tongue in the seat beside him.

"Just my luck," Glaive complained once again.

"Lucky for you, Glaive, where we're headed, we can't really drive, so looks like we'll be on foot. But I'm not too sure about where to even put this thing," Phinn said.

"Tch," was the Grangor's response then Ringo spoke.

"While I was reading the manual, I found out that you can just drag that thing around and it'll hover right behind you. If it still hovers why not just ride it? It should be able to make quick work of a couple of twigs and uneven terrain," Ringo suggested.

"I'm pretty sure that this thing consumes some kind of energy, so I want to cut down on its usage as much as possible. Actually, you know what you could do that'll keep you out of our hair?"

"What's that?"

"Read the rest of that manual."

With some all-too-convenient rope in the trunk of the car to pull the vehicle along, the three began their walk towards the Halcyon Fold. Ringo remained in the car and was being pulled along by Phinn. Glaive led the way and would cut down any obstacles in his path, clearing the way for Phinn and Ringo as well.

"The reading light in here is terrible!" Ringo exclaimed as he squinted to read the words in the tiny pages of the manual.

The canopy of the forest let but a few quiet streams of light poke through to the forest floor. In terms of ambiance and atmosphere it was beautiful, but it only wrought feelings of frustration to the reader in the dark.

Phinn looked back moments later at Ringo who was still squinting at the book which was only two inches away from his face, "Give it a rest will ya'? You're going to give yourself an aneurism," Phinn said getting sick of hearing his teammate's frustrated sighs.

"Sorry," Ringo said rubbing his right temple, "I can be a bit on edge when I'm sober."

"Oh, that's right. I forgot you ran out of booze like an hour ago. Take a nap or something it'll be a while before anything interesting happens, I feel."

Ringo didn't argue when given the opportunity to take a nap especially when he was woken from his sleep to take this little venture. He kicked his feet up and within a minute or two, Ringo's snores could be heard behind Phinn. Now this gave the river troll an opportunity to inquire about Ringo and Glaive's animosity towards one another without sparking a shouting match … or worse.

"Alright, now that he's out for the moment, I wanna know: Why do you hate him so much, Glaive?"

Glaive's twisted stroke destroyed several small trees before he began to speak, "What's not to hate? First of all, he should have died when I left him bleeding outside the cantina that day, and second, I'm not particularly fond of idiots. Especially drunken idiots."

"Left'em bleedin', eh?" Phinn inquired once more.

"Short story even shorter: I'm the reason his left arm is missing," Glaive said decapitating more trees.

"I see."

"So, what about you?"

"What _about_ me?"

"Aren't river trolls supposed to be vile and unmanageable? How did you end up on our dysfunctional little team?"

"Quite the generalization, Mr. Mercenary. At any rate, I was probably contacted in the same way you two were."

"Tall man dressed in all black?"

"That's the one. I almost clocked'em for shooin' away my birdie."

"Your birdie?"

Phinn pointed towards his head with his free hand and there sat a little white bird that Glaive had not detected earlier.

Glaive, lost in conversation, was not paying attention to his surroundings, so he almost took a dive off the cliff ahead. He would have fell quite a ways if it weren't for Phinn's trusty anchor stopping his fall before it had even began. The tips of Glaive's toes teetered on the edge while his arms flailed about. Gently, Phinn pulled the Grangor backwards to safety.

With a sigh, Glaive gave his thanks and humbly asked of the troll not to mention the blunder to Ringo to which Phinn replied, "Your secret's safe with me."

Phinn walked past the shaken Grangor to spy over the cliff and what he found was magnificent. The Halcyon Fold was in full springtime bloom. The evergreens and deciduous trees battled both in and around the Fold. With its symmetry in both natural and unnatural features, teeming wildlife, and magical aura, the Halcyon Fold was truly something to admire. Phinn, however, did take note of the ten dangerous looking machines on each half of the Fold at the opposite side of them and the falls beyond them into the city. Another thing he noticed was the huge pit directly in the center of the Fold.

Phinn was very clearly impressed by the scenery and was glad they had finally reached their destination. All they had to do was get down into the thick of it. Most would think that there was no way that Phinn, an enormous troll, Glaive, a kitty afraid of heights, or Ringo, a currently sober drunk with one arm, were going to make it down the cliff in one piece, but the largest of the three had a different idea. Phinn was quite confident his anchor at this point, so he knew it could take the strain of three bodies. He dropped the tether that connected him to the car and grabbed Ringo out of the vehicle. He would have left behind if he hadn't crawled onto the troll's back where he couldn't be reached. Phinn didn't even bother trying to take him off as he walked back over to the cliff edge.

"Better we leave the car here before it becomes a detriment. I'm sure it'll be fine on its own for a few hours," Phinn said crouching down and securing his anchor to a protruding rock.

"What are you doing?" Glaive asked slightly afraid.

"I feel like you already have a good idea, mate,"

"I am not repelling down there...with that fool in your hands of course."

"So if I drop him, you'll repel down,"

The Grangor sighed, "...Yes."

"Bit of hesitation there. You sure you aren't scared?"

"Positive," Glaive said annoyed at the explicit claim coming from his teammate.

"You know what? We won't repel down." Phinn muttered under his breath knowing that Glaive wouldn't go through with it, "Guess we'll have to do this the hard way."

"What was that?" Glaive asked before he felt a meaty hand on his chest pushing him off the cliff.

Glaive was in free fall when he fired up the afterburner on is rocket axe. He was accelerating upwards towards safety until Phinn plucked him out of the air and swung him somewhat gently down to the ground. No harm came to anyone, but Glaive's heart was surely in his mouth at this point. He was on his hands and knees wondering if he was still alive.

And after what Phinn had just done, he had enough gusto to ask, "Aren't cats supposed to land on their feet?"

This only earned him an evil snarl from the Grangor and a chuckle out of the newly awakened Ringo. Mr. Tongue hopped off of Phinn's back and into Ringo's arm where the gunman held him as he got to his feet.

"Um, where the hell are we?" Ringo asked looking around confused.

"We're in the Halcyon Fold, idiot," Glaive said at last once he recollected his nerves.

"This is the Fold that everyone is going on about? Doesn't look like much to me," Ringo said noticing a large rock covered with foliage to his left and the cliff edge to the right side. Straight ahead was an open part of the Fold surrounded by thick brush too dense to see through.

"Follow me," Glaive said all of a sudden, "I hear a commotion beyond this tall grass."

Phinn and Ringo followed Glaive into the grass that was just barely tall enough for Phinn to be completely hidden if he crouched down. Glaive and Phinn poked their heads out of the tall grass and observed a quite unusual beast that looked to be sleeping. It looked like a large, hairy armadillo, a megadillo, with horns on its forehead big enough to be the tusks of an elephant. Upon a few more moments of observation, a tiny creature could be seen sitting on the megadillo's back counting heaps of gold. With a red shirt, blue pants, and goggles below a stylish head of hair (or perhaps a hat?), it was difficult to really know what the shopkeeper was in terms of species. He had ears like a minion, but the snout of something akin to a badger or another small woodland creature.

The shopkeeper looked very happy with himself once he had finished counting all of his money. He even shouted in joy at his apparent success, "Aha! Finally, I have enough gold to retire for good!"

Ringo, late to the party, strolls beside Phinn and lays eyes upon the megadillo, "What is that?!"

The megadillo opens its huge black eyes and and spots the three in the bush. With quite a start, it reared up throwing the poor shopkeeper off its back and dropping tons of gold pieces all over the muddy ground. The megadillo sat in its own little indent between the bushes and stones. Directly behind the megadillo was the shopkeeper's wheel barrow sandwiched between it and the cliff. So the unfortunate shopkeeper tumbled fatly backwards and slammed into it tipping one of the barrels inside of it. It fell to the ground and cracked spilling red liquid all over the ground. Into the red mud went another barrel filled with candy. The entire batch was ruined.

The shopkeeper groaned in agony and didn't even bother moving from where he had landed.

"Smooth," Phinn said to Ringo before squeezing past the megadillo to help the shopkeeper to his feet, "Are you alright, mate?"

"Never better," he responded while rubbing his head.

Phinn gently pinched the shopkeeper 's collar with his index and thumb and lifted him to his feet, "Name's Phinn. Sorry 'bout startlin' your little pet here."

The shopkeeper dusted himself off, "Tor. And no worries," he sighed agitatedly, "Happens all the time."

Phinn held in chuckle listening to Tor's misfortune.

"So did you want to buy something or just ruin my day?"

"Well us finding you was bit of an unfortunate coincidence, so we weren't planning on being here if that's what you're asking."

"I'll tell you what: You help me clean up this mess, I'll let you take something as a 'I hope we never see each other again' parting gift."

"Do you have guns? Revolver style?"

"Yep."

"Then, it's a deal."

Phinn went on to introduce Glaive and Ringo to Tor. He was just as unimpressed with them as he was with the river troll.

He climbed his way back to the top of his megadillo, "I guess you can start with picking up all this gold off the ground. When you're finished with that just toss my wheelbarrow into the pit over there. I don't need it anymore. You can help yourself to the minion candy too… although it may be a bit, uh, contaminated at this point."

Ringo turned around from his crouching position where he was going to begin picking up the gold and eyed the mysterious pit that was glowing a bright blue, "You mean the glowy pit of mysterious unknowns most likely filled to the brim with horrendous mutated creatures the likes of which we have never seen?"

"That's the one!"

Ringo shrugged far too nonchalantly, "Seems easy enough."

"Just make sure it gets done soon before the old, grumpy Gold MIner gets here."

"Real quick," Ringo said raising his hand, "You got any booze?"

He looked over to his destroyed wheelbarrow and spotted the small keg that was somehow still intact, "Lucky you. Help yourself to whatever Hellfire Brew is left in that keg. Just be careful. It's a bit spicy, hence the name."

"Oh, ho, ho, ho! This day is just getting better and better."

"Ringo," Phinn said bent over pinching handfuls of gold into his other hand, "Since you caused this mess you can carry the wheelbarrow over to the pit."

"See I would love to, but a little kitty rendered me a bit wheelbarrow-challenged, if you catch my drift."

Glaive rolled his eyes not feeling guilty in the slightest, "You'll manage, fool."

"Wow... No sympathy for the less fortunate, eh? Fine. I'll haul it over there after I down some of this brew."

Ringo didn't bother filling up his gourd just yet. He just put his mouth to the spigot and greedily swallowed a few mouthfuls. He wiped the corners of his mouth clean with a refreshing "Ahh" and only then did he fill up his gourd.

Ringo could already feel himself getting red-cheeked and annoying.

"Hey, Mr. Feral Warrior, funny how the scrawny human is doing all the heavy lifting while you sit on your tail picking in the dirt."

Glaive snarled, "Quit your yammering, fool. You're worth more dead!"

"Oh, did I strike a nerve? Hows-about you drag this ten ton piece of wood over to that shining pit of death with your fully functioning appendages!" Ringo yelled flailing his empty left sleeve about.

"How many times are you going to pull that card what are you? An oppressed Gythian Knight? 'I have no arm this' and 'I have no arm that!' Cry more knave! I'll be happy to take that other one as well."

"Would you two give it a rest," Phinn said, "I have a lot riding on this five million gold so if I lose one of you that whole plan goes down the drain. Capiche?"

"Fine," Glaive said remebering his own personal goal once more.

"Yo mi comprendar, Senior Meatwall dos," Ringo said very incorrectly.

"I don't even think that was proper grammar…Anywho, gold's all picked up. Step aside. I'll carry the wheelbarrow," Phinn said trying to alleviate the building tension he got up and wheeled it off towards the pit.

The shopkeeper perked up when a particular part of the conversation piqued his interest, "Five million gold pieces? What kind of work are you men doing to make such a chunk of change?"

"Nunya," Ringo responded childishly.

"What's nunya?"

"I'm not even gonna finish that joke. Way too easy."

Glaive cut in, "Don't mind the idiot. We run… deliveries of a sort."

Over by Phinn he had just reached the pit and was about to toss the wheelbarrow over when a big burly thing about his height walked up with a mean look on its face and an even meaner underbite. It had a miner's hat and a pickaxe. Phinn very clearly knew that this was the dreaded gold miner. Phinn was one arm motion away from throwing the wheel barrow. He shrugged and tossed it down the pit. It landed with a crash dramatic crash before Phinn dusted his hands and began his walk to regroup with his allies.

"Oh dear," Tor said once he saw the gold miner and Phinn in close proximity.

"What?" Ringo spun around and eyed the same situation.

As Phinn was walking away, he heard a labored grunt from miner. He turned around just in time to see the pickaxe swing and dodge making it miss just short of the scales on his chin. Phinn pulled his anchor off his back and clashed his anchor with the miner's pickaxe.

"Look, mate, I'm not sure if you can understand me, but I'm too tired for this rubbish. I haven't slept all night and I haven't even had my morning tea, let alone breakfast. So, do yourself some justice and bugger off."

The display of dominance may have continued for quite some time if it weren't for the intervening of the magic that lay within the Halcyon Fold. Roots from either side of the pit began to snake their way towards the two without alerting them. The individual roots intertwined with one another as they reached the leg of the unfortunate gold miner forming a hand. With a single yank, the poor miner was pulled down into the pit; he was gobbled up like a meatball among strings of spaghetti. Phinn, startled, took a couple precautionary steps backwards.

Once it was clear, Phinn just shook his head and walked away from the pit and strolled up to his allies, "I've seen enough. Job's done, so can we choose our reward?"

"Well a deal is a deal. Go ahead and take any _one_ item," he emphasized.

"You heard'em, Ringo go grab another gun," Phinn said rather tiredly.

"Seriously?"

"Yep, you're pretty much useless without it so we have to get you a new one.'

"Alright, Tor, show me what'cha got."

Tor hopped down from the megadillo and rolled open a rag lined with revolvers like Phinn had suggested earlier.

"Ooh, they're all so shiny," Ringo said drumming on his chin with his index and middle fingers.

"And make sure not to lose it again, fool," Glaive said cruelly.

"Yeah, yeah."

Ringo was mindfully making his decision through process of elimination. Any guns he saw with specs of rust were an instant 'no.' So really that narrowed it down to two choices. One was a sleek, fit in your sleeve kind of gun with a built in suppressor and ergonomic grip. The other, more stylish option, was a gun with katana's hilt for a grip. It didn't have a traditional chamber for bullets it looked like it could only hold one at a time. Normally a person would be forced into choosing practicality over aesthetics, but in Ringo's case where he could reload without thinking too hard, the choice was clear.

"I have made my decision!" the gunman announced grabbing his proud new gun and admiring it as it glistened in the sunlight.

"You should at least test it out first," Phinn suggested.

"Are you doubting my product?" Tor asked somewhat offended.

"No. Just doing a quality assurance check."

Ringo aimed at the leaf of a tree with one eye open looking straight down the sights.

"This is a sure shot," Ringo said confidently.

With bewildering accuracy and a hard crack, the bullet rocketed out a pace beyond what Ringo was used to. As his arm jolted back from the recoil, the bullet cut a hole in the center of the leaf exactly where he was aiming. He smirked as the weapon fit well into Ringo's makeshift holster as a wisp of smoke rose to his face.

"Ha! I don't miss!"


End file.
